Why I Don't Say, "I'm Blessed."

September 11

Social media is the instrument of general proclamation about one's life -- if one wants to proclaim something. Social media is the 100,000 watt radio giant that bleeds into the frequencies of other stations if you want to broadcast something about your life. Some people choose to broadcast themselves. Thoughts about why that's the case will wait for another blog post. The reason I start with social media for this post is because that's where I so often see people proclaim, "I am blessed." 

Now, I don't get too judgy about things because I don't want to invite people to get too judgy with me. I have spoken too many hurtful words to others, failed to do what I should have done too often, and been less than I should have been enough that I have no ground from which I can stand in order to judge others. So, if you want to say, "I'm blessed," I am not going to challenge you. But as for me, it's not a phrase I want to use.

Here's why.

For me this goes back to reworking the destruction of July 31, 1976. It was on that day my cousin, Jeff Dallas, and I were on his motorcycle. A car pulled out in front of us. Not ironically, a Mustang. We slammed into the side of the car, at least that's what I am told. I had a head injury and do not remember any of the event. My cousin was killed. I was in the hospital for a few days. Head injury, deep gashes in my leg and a broken clavicle—in my estimation, relatively unhurt.

In the days and years that followed there was much change in the trajectory of my life. Some people of religious devotion were of great comfort to me. Some people of religious devotion were not helpful to me. Some of those would say, "God took your cousin for a reason." Others might opine, "God has a purpose for you. You are blessed to still be alive."

Processing my survivor's guilt, my PTSD, and where I was headed after the wreck, was a big job for me. It still is. As a 17 year old, it was overwhelming in a lot of ways. But the idea that God essentially killed my cousin was repugnant to me. And this became a baseline thought: God doesn't intentionally take anyone's life. If that is the case then God doesn't intentionally save anyone's life from death either because that would show preference. It would mean that God chooses life for some and death for others. That idea is repugnant to me.

Some people use this phrase, "I am blessed," after a wreck. "We were unharmed. We are blessed." Others might say, "God had HIS hand upon us," even in the face of someone else perishing in that wreck. "God saved us for a purpose." It all means that God chose not to bless someone else, to allow someone else to die, and that you are more special to God because God chose you to live.

You see, that's why I can't bring myself to say that phrase. I am not more special. I am not more worthy of blessing. It makes God preferential, and my God by nature cannot show preference in that manner. It changes the nature of God.

Again, I am not going to challenge you if you use that phrase, but now you have knowledge about why I can't.

Peace and Love,

Jerry

  

In loving memory. 

Jeffrey Scott Dallas 

9.5.1957 - 7.31.1976